We have now watched all ten seasons of Friends. I watched them when they originally aired but Paul only saw them sporadically (oh, the horror). So we watched them in order from start to finish and it was glorious to finish a season and immediately put a new disk in to see what happened. I'll admit that we haven't made quite the same impressive progress in watching The Simpsons (sorry, honey).
Paul has also started showing me Smallville which the nerd inside me LOVES! Inside, he is very proud that his wife has come over to the nerd side. However, we only own four seasons (though he has seen all the seasons). After the ridiculous tornado episode that ended with Lana Lang IN the tornado and Clark Kent (Superman) trying to save her, I first said "Oh no, we're putting in the next disk." Then I informed him that we can't watch Season Four until we have borrowed, rented or purchased Season Five for fear we might be left in the same predicament with no way to see the next episode (gasp!).
And it's a good thing my husband thinks I'm cute because when the show gets intense or things don't look like they're going to work out, I incessantly poke him and ask "what happens?" Seldom do I get an answer because "he can't remember" or doesn't want to tell me because he thinks it will ruin it. Regardless of how many times I tell him that it won't ruin it for me, I seldom get answers. The other night, exasperated I said "But I NEED to know!! I don't get to know real life, I need to know TV life!"
This came flying out of my mouth before I knew it--and oh, boy is this a telling statement. This is exactly how I am. I like things to be labeled, I like having a plan and an itinerary. I enjoy knowing what's going to happen. And, yes, I realize that this is not how life works....which is precisely why I want to know what's going to occur in TV Land.
The really ironic part is that sometimes Paul does give me a clue about what's going to happen or outright tells me how it ends and typically I don't believe him. He gives me exactly the answer I wanted: the outcome of the show and I spend the rest of the episode thinking "How in the world is that going to happen like he said? That doesn't make sense." Through the power of Hollywood and creative writing, things usually end tied nicely in a box and what appeared impossible works out in the end. This is TV Land....
In Reality-ville, I often find myself unsure of how things are going to work out, incessantly poking God to find out the next step...I can feel sure of a particular path when I start and then when things take a turn, I question if I heard Him correctly or if I manipulated my Father's words. I completely discount how sure I felt at the outset of His urging. Paul speaks to this in 1 Corinthians 1:6-15:
We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we declare God's wisdom, a mystery that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. However, it is written:
"'What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived'
--the things God has prepared
for those who love him--
these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.
The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person's thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities within Spirit-taught words. The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit."
1 Corinthians 2:6-15
1 Corinthians 2:6-15
This is the PEACE we receive to choose a path, make a decision, etc--it's the Holy Spirit revealing things to our spirit that our eyes and ears can't know and likely wouldn't trust. Biblical stories show countless people who witnessed miracles with Jesus there and still struggled to believe. God knew we'd need the Holy Spirit to help out unbelief. Mark 9:14-30 tells the story of a the healing of a boy with an evil spirit. The boy has been possessed since childhood by an evil spirit that has made several attempts to kill him and has robbed him of his speech. The disciples were not successful in driving the spirit out and the father pleaded with Jesus "If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us!" Jesus replies "If you can? Everything is possible for him who believes." The father, having great love for his son, says "I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!" he believed like Jesus stated but needed his help overcoming his unbelief...how true is this of my life?! I say "ok Lord, I'm with you...but did you see this? Are you aware of this? Oh, and remember this detail? Just making sure you saw all these aspects when you asked me to do x, y and z."
There are decisions in my life that I have felt 100% peace about--I was filled with an overwhelming knowledge and certainty of what course to take. To others it seemed CRAZY! Who am I kidding...to me it seemed crazy but there was still an inarguable, deep-to-the-core peace to walk in one direction over the other. This is when the rubber of faith meets the road of life...DO I have enough faith to trust that this is the Holy Spirit? Am I confident enough to say "this is what the Lord is telling me/us to do?"
Truthfully? Not always. I tend to take all the aspects of a situation and review them "to myself" (i.e. out loud just to make sure the Lord didn't miss something) and then move forward. There have been times when the Lord has moved so big and so fast that I didn't stop to think about anything (quitting my job without having another one lined up, getting married 98 days from our first date). I didn't stop because it was so clearly laid before me that I KNEW the Lord would take care if it. But, as the pleading father put it "I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief." Sometimes, my unbelief grows bigger than my belief. It's in these times when it's hard to just forge ahead without question. It is good to seek advice, it is good to not be rash and it is good to prepare. But it is better to allow the Spirit to guide my life and know that much of what he plans, if known in advance, would not be believed as possible.
My God is big enough to take my incessant poking but he also loves me enough to keep reminding me--through the poking--of the times he's been faithful and the gift I have been given in the Spirit. Even when my unbelief grows bigger than my belief, even when my eyes don't get it and my mind can't comprehend, the Spirit will guide my spirit!
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.
We do not know what we ought to pray for,
but the Spirit himself intercedes for use with groans that words cannot express.
And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit,
because the spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."
Romans 8:26-27
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