I woke up the morning of December 1, 38 weeks pregnant on the nose, feeling all kinds of off. I had nausea, gastrointestinal fun, felt achy, and my braxton hicks contractions had stepped up a notch. I took a bath full of epsom salts and oils (maybe my FAVORITE thing to do this pregnancy) and tried to relax. Ordinarily, potential labor at 38 weeks pregnant would have made me giddy but December 1 was the day dear friends were getting married! Oh, and Paul was a groomsman and I was coordinating for them. My mom was in town to help me with the chicks and the wedding details. All morning, I was talking to my sweet Nora explaining that this day was not about us and if possible, we wanted the Bowman wedding to be about the almost-Bowmans and not the Newest Nixon.
Yes, I realize I was negotiating with a baby without the power or comprehension to change any of this but alas, I chatted still. At this point, my contractions seemed to be picking up steam and we were just praying we could get through the reception, all the while shifting our mindset that this baby was coming this weekend.
Well, we made it through the reception.
And the weekend.
And the next week.
And the next week.
Nora June was apparently just doing a trial run on Dec 1. When the happy couple returned from their honeymoon, we told them all the details we had not shared with them that day! It was a funny memory to add to their beautiful day!
Wednesday December 12 was a super emotional and weepy day. I had been up a lot in the wee hours and was just feeling ready. We had marked all the things off of all the lists, the wedding was done, and the day before we'd even been to the capitol to see the Christmas trees in the House and the Senate. Final pre-birth Chick adventure done!
We were ready.
Wednesday afternoon I was texting a friend "So, I'm trying to figure out if my water broke or not!?!" I did a few "tests" and decided that it was most likely not my water after all. Maybe. I wasn't convinced it was urine but didn't have any confirmation it was my water. I was feeling mild tensing but definitely not intense or painful contractions. Once Paul got home from work, I got in the bathtub. I still felt like maybe my water was slowly leaking but wasn't sure. As we were putting the girls in bed, Sophie said "Mom, what are we doing tomorrow?" I burst into tears and said "I don't know. It depends if we're having a baby or not!" Sweet little Soph just said "I hope we have a baby, mommy."
I laid on the couch watching Netflix and had managed to get super comfortable. Clearly it was not worth the risk of moving to bed and being uncomfortable, so I decided to just sleep on the couch. At 12:40am I was startled awake. I looked around to see what had woken me up and saw nothing but realized I had to go to the bathroom. When I stood up, I felt a gush and realized my water breaking is what had awakened me. I woke up Paul, then called the doulas at 12:49am. (After having a less than ideal experience with my epidural with Eva, we decided that this was going to be an unmedicated birth. We also knew that we wanted a doula there to help support us in a natural labor. ATX Doulas was an amazing addition to our birth team!) Diana answered and asked me if I had had any contractions yet; I hadn't. She asked how I was feeling and what I wanted to do. Immediately I said "We need to go." Laboring at home can be super relaxing but I knew I couldn't turn off my mama brain if we were at home and I just had this inexplicable urgency to GO. And after reviewing my labor history at one of my last appointments, my OB wanted me to come in quickly if my water broke. (With my previous three labors, once I was at 6cm, I had a baby in my arms 45 minutes to an hour later.) We left home at 1:15am, after Kitty arrived to keep the girls, and Diana was on her way to the hospital to meet us. I had about four contractions on the way to the hospital that I couldn't talk through.
At about 2am, Dr Rouhani checked me in triage and I was 4cm, 70% effaced, and -3 station. She said everything looked good and she was going to take a nap and let me progress naturally. She planned to check my progress at 5am unless I needed her sooner. Apparently there was a baby storm that night (hence, the nap) and our amazing triage nurse got to stay with us to be our amazing labor and delivery nurse. Looking back, I can see the providence in each detail. The hour before we arrived, five other mamas arrived in labor; four were admitted. We have now had four awesome experiences at this hospital and the nurses have been great! But being our first unmedicated labor, God knew the nurse we needed to support us 100%. Ashley was a gift!
We got to our labor and delivery room about 2:15am and my contractions were getting more intense. Standing and swaying back and forth was helping me get through each one. That, and Paul had the diffuser going full blast, Diana turned the lights down and put Christmas lights along the window (seriously, BEST doula ever! Christmas lights make birth all kinds of magical, BTW), and we turned my playlist on! Honestly, this is how I always imagined labor would go but when it came down to it, I never made a "birth plan" so I wouldn't be disappointed if it didn't happen that way. It was actually super helpful to make a birth plan this time. Not as a plan that cannot be altered, but more as an exercise to determine our preferences and be prepared with helpful things.
As the contractions continued to get more intense, being on my hands and knees on the bed really helped me get through each one. Diana was applying counter-pressure to my tailbone and hips, I was focused on my breathing, and working on breaking Paul's hand from squeezing it. At some point in the midst of this, I remember looking at the clock on the computer monitor and seeing 3:30am.
Diana could see the contractions getting closer together and I wasn't handling them quite as well so she encouraged me to get in the shower. Water in labor is phenomenal. Oh my word. My legs were giving out with each contraction but the heat from the water was so helpful to get through each one. I was in the shower about 20 minutes when I had this overwhelming sense that I needed to get back to the bed. I just kept saying "We need to get back to bed. I need to go now. I need to be in the bed now." I looked at Diana and said "They are coming really fast now!" and was starting to panic a little. She grabbed my arm, smiled at me, and said "Because she's almost here." I wanted to spiral off into hysteria and her calm response, her refusal to join me in my hysteria, shifted my focus.
As soon as I got back to the bed, again on my hands and knees, Ashley checked me. It was 4:40am and I was complete: 10cm, 100% effaced, and she was at +2 station. I am still amazed at the amount of progress since 2am. Such good, swift, yet very HARD work.
It was go time. My contractions were on top of one another so it was really hard to recover in between and I wasn't focusing on my breathing. I remember saying "Noooo!" with each new contraction and Paul, Diana, and Ashley would all respond with "Yes! You are doing so well!!" Finally I said "I can't do this!" and I heard Dr Rouhani say "Her head is out!" After a few contractions without any continued progress, Dr Rouhani asked me to change my position and get on my side because Nora's shoulders were stuck and we needed to get her out. Let me assure you this is no easy task mid-delivery. But doing so allowed just the shift necessary for her shoulders to be delivered. At 5:03am they laid Nora June Nixon next to me on the bed; a mere 4 hours and 23 minutes after my water broke.
Honestly, I was in shock about what just happened. Apparently Nora was, too; she was reluctant to cry at first and wasn't taking consistent breaths. As the nurse rubbed her back to stimulate her, Dr Rouhani cut the cord preparing to whisk her to the warming bed. The nurse was still rubbing her back and I managed to say "Is she ok?!" Dr Rouhani said "We may need to take her for a minute if she doesn't respond." Immediately, Nora let out a short but loud scream as if to say "Don't take me from my mama!"
I was hypersensitive to touch and any movement so I needed a bunch of help to get from my side to my back. But then, this now-screaming precious baby, a gift of abundance at the end of a crazy year, was happily nursing, with her hand pressed against my chest. Be still my heart. 3,295 days after that first date, we met daughter #4 face to face.
"Intense" doesn't even begin to describe delivery.
Pain I had never known existed, that ended as immediately as it started.
A strength in surrender I had no concept of before.
God's amazing provision in every detail, large and small.
By 7:30am, I had eaten a meal, ordered another meal (hello post-labor appetite), showered, and was wearing my own pajamas. Holy smokes! That. just. happened. We really just did that.
Family was on their way into town when my chicks arrived to meet their newest sister. The same baby they had lovingly watched on the ultrasound screen and excitedly listened to her "heartbeep" for months. Dressed in her "baby sister" onesie, Nora's Big, Bigger, and Biggest sisters arrived with giggles and grins (and the same bows they each wore when they were born).
God lavishing his love on us in the form of a fourth birth we were told would never happen blows me away. No one but God would plan to add a baby to our family the same year we had so much financial uncertainty. No one but God could reveal new definitions of abundance in the tiny face of a new daughter. No one but God could have given me glimpses* of this gift almost two full years before her arrival. But God.
We are not a perfect family. We are definitely not perfect parents. But we serve a perfect God. And for reasons I may never fully understand, He saw fit to give us babies that will forever point us back to how miraculous and marvelous His ways are; how He abounds with joy and abundance.
Sidenote: When we delivered Eva, my epidural had waned and I thought I was feeling full on labor. Did you see the important word? Thought. I thought I had felt full on labor. I was wrong. Full on, unmedicated labor was much more intense than I had realized. Immediately after Nora came, I thought "There's no way in the world we're doing that again." Having had some distance from it now, I can say, while I might want something to take the edge off, I would, indeed, go without an epidural again.
*I have notes from October 2017 and November 2017 about very vivid labor dreams. "Vivid" meaning I woke up thinking, at first, that it was memories from a real labor only to realize it was a dream. However, the details from these dreams line up very closely with how Nora's birth actually transpired. God never ceases to amaze me! In one, I was laying on my side and the OB said "we need to get her out." The other, I could feel the OB putting pressure on the baby's head to check her position. Then she said "I'm going to give you a little test and if all looks good we'll let this progress naturally."
