"Surrender Don't Come Natural"

Surrender don’t come natural to me
I’d rather fight you for something I don’t really want
Than to take what you give that I need
And I’ve beat my head against so many walls
I’m falling down, falling on my knees
God please

(for complete lyrics of "Hold Me Jesus" click here)

Since I am not the writer of this song, I know that at least one other person out there understands how hard letting go can be. It's easy and exciting for me to trust that one day I'll be walking on a street of gold (Rev 21:21); that God will be directing a heavenly choir singing out when his children come home. But it's HARD to allow Him to be my prince of peace--to trust that the desires of my heart will come to fruition. 

I was having trouble being motivated to get up and get ready for work (because my excitement about this job has waned and I desperately want my dream job NOW). I said "Lord, I need you to do this--I can't do this without you today." The next day I was disappointed when the same mantra had to be repeated. I started to ask the Lord to help me get out of bed without assistance and reluctance and then realized something. Why would God want me to be able to do this without him? Why would this make sense? God wants me to depend on him and wants me to need him. 

Some of the sweetest times with my Lord are those when I only had the strength to lift my eyes to Him--and He did the rest. He did the rest! Back in Exodus it says "The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still." 14:14. I need to be still. Matthew 11:28 says "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest..." When I don't come to Him, I get quickly weary--why not stay with Him?! Why shouldn't I need Him everyday (suddenly these lyrics come to mind "I need thee every hour, stay thou near by")?!

His word also says "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."--HIS power is made perfect in MY weakness--not His weakness. He is ST-ROOOOONG (as Audrey so sweetly reminded us in her version of "Jesus Loves Me"). 

Not that He wants me to struggle everyday with getting up or walk everyday through quicksand. But, He does want to be needed and for us to recognize that we need Him. This might seem like an elementary principle to some but it was a great epiphany in bridging my head and my heart.  I understand this about my marriage--Paul knows I need him but it's helpful for me to tell him that I appreciate what he does for me and acknowledge that I do need him--somehow this principle escaped me about my Savior.  I understand that I need Jesus and I understand that in good times, bad times and everything in between He is the reason I can do anything at all ("I can do all things through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:13).

Rather than being annoyed that I need him, I should rejoice that he's there when I call on Him. That He rejoices when I recognize that I need Him and realize that I can glorify Him when others see that I need Him!! All of this got me to this fantastic conclusion:

There is a BIG difference between wanting something the Lord has laid on my heart and desperately needing HIM to give me contentment everyday in the waiting and trying to simply be content where the Lord has me now. Both seemingly could bring contentment but one involves HIS strength and the other does not.