Is it ok to be mad at a friend?
Is is ok to be mad at a parent?
It is acceptable to be mad at a spouse, fiance or significant other?
Anger is not a sin ("In your anger, do not sin." Ephesians 4:26. Scripture does not say 'don't be angry', it says don't sin when you are angry. This tells me a couple of things: 1) he knows that we are going to be angry and 2) he has given us the tools in HIM to work through that anger.
Regardless, it's taken me a long time to verbalize and even realize that 1) I am mad at God at times and 2) it's ok to tell him this. The Lord knows my heart and my thoughts anyway so if I feel like Cruella DeVil on the inside and try to show him Polly Anna on the outside, he's going to see straight through it. Being mad is also not written in stone--it's an emotion and it can be worked through. The fact that I got mad at a friend once doesn't mean I am forever mad at them. So why do I behave as if this holds true when I am ever mad at God? It's not a sentence ("Lord, I will be mad at you for the next five years!"); it's a journey ("Lord, this is NOT what I want and it hurts...meet me here and open my eyes to what you have for me in this!").
The truth is, there are situations in my life (both in the past and present) about which I am mad at God. I can't see why it has or is occurring and it's simply painful to walk through; painful emotionally and physically. I have driven home screaming and crying at the Lord and laying all my emotions out there in a not-so-ladylike fashion. I have been/am just MAD! Hold onto this point and shift gears with me for a minute....
One of my least favorite answers growing up was "Because I said so." I vowed I would never use this phrase with my own children. In my mind, there must be a better explanation than simply "because I said so." Imagine my surprise when this came flying out of my mouth during my nanny days. We were deeply entrenched in three-year-old-boy land where the word of the day was always "why?" Often this was a harmless question literally about how things worked (why does the car make that noise, why does the lizard run when I try to catch it, etc). However, on this particular day, every request or direction was met with the insolent question "WHY?"
"Get in the car please."
"Why?"
"Because we're going to the library."
"Why?"
"To go to story time."
"Why?"
"Because it's what we do every week."
"Why?"
"Because I SAID SO! Please get in the car!"
"Ok, Rachel."
And there it was, in all its glory. Those four words I swore I would never say.
Why do we tell this to children? We tell them "because I said so" because, as illustrated above, it's often one of the only answers that doesn't elicit the response "why?" But more than this, we (care-giving adults) have been given authority over a child's decisions when they are small and we are trying to protect them. We protect them from being over tired (limiting activities), from things unseen (cancelling the pool trip because the big storm is coming), from harmful things (no playing in the street, don't get in the car with a stranger, etc), and from countless situations that have nothing to do with them.
Regardless of the the protection or authority we are given, you know that when your answer is given, most children don't like it. Like me, they think "Plan B" (i.e. anything other than what they wanted or expected) is the consolation prize. But we know that sometimes what's coming is so much better. We know that the reason we can't go get the coveted new toy today is because they are having a surprise party. We know that cancelling the beach trip this year due to hurricanes ensures safety and survival to take many more beach trips in the future. We know that sometimes it's good for them to be bored running errands or supporting a friend/family member to learn that life is not all about them.
Sometimes kids receive the consolation prize immediately (surprise party instead of toy shopping) and sometimes they wait a long time or may never see the day when the consolation prize is explained. This is where this comes full circle. They get mad, disappointed and sometimes assume this is meant for harm. BUT, no matter what, we (the care-giving adults) know that we are doing our job to protect them. And when there are events from which we can offer little protection, we provide comfort and love.
Why do we parent or take care of children this way? Because this is how it has been modeled by our Heavenly Father. I am his child and am often fully entrenched in 28-year-old-Rachel land where the word of the day is "Why?" He seldom provides a dissertation, nor does he have to, as to why situations occur. Why? Because he is GOD! He says his plans are to prosper and not harm us, he says he loves us, he says if we trust him as savior we are saved and most importantly, he says that all things are for HIS GLORY. There is no reason for him to prove or share the details of His plan....BECAUSE HE SAID SO. It is because of this realization that I can accept these four words that I never wanted to utter. He has authority over my life because I have accepted Christ into my heart--his goal in everything is to bring me closer to Him.
Now let's connect all these dots....
As I told Jacob many times "You don't have to like my answer, but you have to accept it. Mommy put me in charge to protect you." Well, no one needed to put God in charge--He just is. I don't have to like his answer or the path he asks me to walk--I just have to accept it. If anyone other than the Lord told me "I just have to accept it" my blood would have boiled. Honestly, I get close to the boiling point even when the Lord utters these words to me. It makes me angry sometimes to hear what the Lord is asking me to do. Even though I have learned many times that everything he plans for me is ultimately for His glory and my benefit, I still don't like that he offers me what feels like a consolation prize. But the beauty is that He can take my anger, he knows it's in my heart and he's still there with open arms when I return ready to accept the next step. And what's even more amazing is that a "consolation prize" from the Lord is far better than any Plan A I can ever imagine.
The moral of the story: It's ok to get angry at God for the path he asks me to walk. I need to walk through this anger, talk to him about it and then we can keep walking together. My anger over a situation does not mean I don't have faith or don't love my Savior anymore. It simply means that the part I can understand is not what I want. My anger is not a ploy to get my way. My anger is part of the pathway that must be walked to arrive at the destination He has for me....because He said so.
PS-- The Lord speaks to us at the perfect time in just such a way that we cannot deny it's his voice! In my last post, Dark Chocolate Days, I mentioned a message from the Lord that he cleverly gave me through my Dove chocolate. We have now eaten every chocolate in that bag and not a single other piece contained the same message...the world would say this was coincidence but my heart knows better! Lord, thanks for dipping your message in chocolate!
As I told Jacob many times "You don't have to like my answer, but you have to accept it. Mommy put me in charge to protect you." Well, no one needed to put God in charge--He just is. I don't have to like his answer or the path he asks me to walk--I just have to accept it. If anyone other than the Lord told me "I just have to accept it" my blood would have boiled. Honestly, I get close to the boiling point even when the Lord utters these words to me. It makes me angry sometimes to hear what the Lord is asking me to do. Even though I have learned many times that everything he plans for me is ultimately for His glory and my benefit, I still don't like that he offers me what feels like a consolation prize. But the beauty is that He can take my anger, he knows it's in my heart and he's still there with open arms when I return ready to accept the next step. And what's even more amazing is that a "consolation prize" from the Lord is far better than any Plan A I can ever imagine.
The moral of the story: It's ok to get angry at God for the path he asks me to walk. I need to walk through this anger, talk to him about it and then we can keep walking together. My anger over a situation does not mean I don't have faith or don't love my Savior anymore. It simply means that the part I can understand is not what I want. My anger is not a ploy to get my way. My anger is part of the pathway that must be walked to arrive at the destination He has for me....because He said so.
PS-- The Lord speaks to us at the perfect time in just such a way that we cannot deny it's his voice! In my last post, Dark Chocolate Days, I mentioned a message from the Lord that he cleverly gave me through my Dove chocolate. We have now eaten every chocolate in that bag and not a single other piece contained the same message...the world would say this was coincidence but my heart knows better! Lord, thanks for dipping your message in chocolate!
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