The Lord is good those who wait and depend upon him
His lovingkindness never changes
His compassions never fail, never fail
You have kept all your promises, all your promises
You are faithful
You have kept all your promises, all your promises
So we trust in you
So we trust in you
Your word is light unto my path when I cannot see it
Your name, the rock on which I stand, will not be shaken
Ever strong, ever true
You have kept all your promises, all your promises
You are faithful
You have kept all your promises, all your promises
So we trust in you
So we trust in you
You will never leave, never forsake us
Mighty Savior, King, author of our salvation
You will never leave, never forsake us
Mighty Savior, King, author of our salvation
You have kept all your promises, all your promises
You are faithful
You have kept all your promises, all your promises
So we trust in you
So we trust in you
We will trust in you
All Your Promises,
God is So Good, First Baptist Church Woodstock
(c) 2012 Prism Music, Inc
I was moved to tears hearing these words, I was overwhelmed by the truth in this song and I was flooded with memories of our journey this past year. Many, many friends were also brought to mind who are waiting for God to answer their prayers or struggle with an answer to prayer that is unexpected, uncomfortable or unwanted. As I sat for weeks and months unable to get through a day or even a church service without crying, I felt guilty. Guilt that I wasn't trusting, guilt that I wasn't seeing God move in this, guilt that I wasn't embracing the now, guilt that I didn't always feel like praising His name and honestly, guilt that I was hurting. Through tears today, hearing this song, I was overcome by the TRUTH that my tears weren't doubting the words of this song. In fact, the simple idea that the lyrics above are true was the motivation to many of my tears. I knew he was faithful, I knew he wouldn't fail but the waiting still hurt. I knew He had kept all his promises but I didn't have the strength to praise. I've mentioned before, I knew early on that I wouldn't trade this path despite it not being the path I anticipated. As this song resonated in my ears and my heart I realized something new today:
If we had gotten pregnant the first month we tried, or even in the first few months, I think I would be just as excited as I am now. I think I would be picking out nursery fabrics and shopping for baby clothes. I think I would cherish each sonogram picture as I do now. And, I think I would still smile each time I felt this sweet, wiggly baby girl jump on what I can only imagine is a trampoline in my womb. BUT, if we hadn't been brought to what felt like the bottom, if we hadn't walked this tear-stained road, if we hadn't been brought to a place of complete dependence on Him for each moment, I would not think the same about God. Did you catch that, I wouldn't have felt the same about God!?! This was a staggering realization to me!
If I impart nothing else to our sweet Lucy, I pray that I am able to communicate that God is always there, always keeps his promises and He is always worthy of our trust. Scripture guarantees our salvation if we accept Christ as savior. It certainly doesn't state anywhere "Rachel, I promise you will be a mom." BUT, through my tears, my struggle, my inability to do anything but listen, God promised me motherhood. And because "His lovingkindness never changes and His compassions never fail", He has fulfilled that promise.
You know what else God did? He let me sit and be upset for a while. He allowed me the space to feel the hurt, to feel the disappointment, to be mad at him and to just cry on his shoulder into the wee hours of the morning. That, my friends, is something I will never forget. He will probably have to teach me to wait on His timing many more times in my life but written on my heart is the character of my Heavenly Father that kept his promise despite my tears and my honesty. Embedded in my memory is a God that was there in church, there when I couldn't go to church, there at three in the afternoon and three in the morning. I cannot express how thankful I am for the blessing of motherhood--the JOY I have experienced already is indescribable. But almost more than that, I am thankful for God bringing me so close to Himself, I couldn't help but come face to face with His character described in these song lyrics.
Pregnancy Update:
It's a girl!! The newest Nixon will be Lucy Kate!!
As of today we are 21 weeks along...over halfway there! Insane!! Lucy is estimated to be about 13 1/2 ounces and 10 1/2 inches from head to toe. Maternity pants are a must now; maternity tops are still optional. As of tonight, I am the very proud owner of preggo yoga pants--didn't think yoga pants could get any better--just did!!
I felt her move for the first time on January 2nd and both Paul and my mom felt her kick just a couple of weeks after that. Now, I feel her jumping, moving and kicking all the time and I'm starting to notice a pattern of when she is still and presumably napping (this is an answered prayer because the Nixons like their naps...let's start this habit now).
Thank you Lord for our sweet little miracle!
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| Paul is outnumbered now! Bring on the PINK! |
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| That's her....our daughter, Lucy (at 20 weeks)! Technology is crazy!! (3D/4D profile-she is looking to the left) |
