Day 197

Call me cheesy--it matters not! Paul and I went to see "Letters to Juliet" a couple of weeks ago (he owed me a chick flick after taking me to see Kick A**). While it is a Hollywood creation and a fictional story, there is a whimsical aspect that makes women long to experience anything close. Claire and Sophie spend the better part of the movie trying to convince a very Pompous Charlie that true love is real and is worth searching and FIGHTING for. At one point he tells Claire (referring to her first love) "Imagine him going from working the fields to owning them...and Gran, you missed the messy bits." Her simple response is "Life is in the messy bits." In her hopeful eyes it is clear to everyone-except Charlie-that a wonderfully romantic life is possible amidst all the messy bits...they mustn't be mutually exclusive.

While clearly I am not an expert on marriage, I am an expert at being a hopeless romantic...and it's really exciting to me that all my dreams of a fairy tale romance were not idealistic or unrealistic...I am living a real life fairy tale written by the Lord especially for me...and yes, life is made up of the messy bits but so are our favorite Hollywood-made fairy tales that we love:

• Snow White dealt with a wicked witch and 7 male dwarfs.
  
• Cinderella has 2 wicked stepsisters and a crazy stepmother...and went for years with woodland creatures as her only friends.


• Toula spent 30 years living with her mom and dad and tirelessly working at a diner and then met a guy she wasn't supposed to love because he was not Greek (My Big Fat Greek Wedding).


• Francis had to deal with a divorce, a remodeling job from Hades and moving across the globe before she saw her fairy tale (Under the Tuscan Sun).

But all of these ladies GOT the fairy tale in the end--and the messy parts remained! My life plays just like a movie only much more interesting and exciting because it doesn't end in 2 hours. And as we muddle through messy bits, it is really clear to me that my prince or knight in shining armor or Mr. Right was perfectly cast for me. A great example of this earlier tonight: we each read Captivating and Wild at Heart respectively and have now switched them to read the other person's . I asked Paul to make any notes in blue ink since I made notes in red and black (compulsive? yes.) and wanted to be able to tell what he underlined vs what I underlined. He was laying on the couch reading and got up to find a pen, turned to me and said "Wasn't I supposed to make notes in a certain color?" Without looking away from the computer I said "yes" and then just stared at him and smiled. I know it's small, I know it really does not matter what color ink the man uses in the book....BUT, the fact that he entertains my quarks and loves me not just in spite of them but often because of them makes me realize that I'd rather have a life filled with messy bits WITH him rather than no messy bits without him!

--RMN

Hold Me Jesus

Surrender don’t come natural to me

I’d rather fight you for something I don’t really want

Than to take what you give that I need

(Hold Me Jesus, Big Daddy Weave)

Yup, these lyrics pretty much sum up my walk with the Lord. While He created me spunky, I also came with my fair share of stubbornness (and perhaps someone else's fair share, too). Paul and I were laying in bed praying the other night and I said "Lord, you are taking away what makes me comfortable and I don't like it...I know it's for my growth and to help me but I don't like it." I figured He already knew I was thinking it so I might as well just put it out there, right? Let me explain the basis for this candid prayer...

Since about early May I have felt this underlying feeling of being overwhelmed (having been treated in the past for an anxiety disorder, this is something I am very familiar with). Life is seemingly good but I can't shake this feeling of something being "off". I sat down one day and just started to think about the past few years. As I sketched out a timeline I realized that a lot of STUFF has happened and the perfectionist in my has always had a hard time stopping and sitting and just taking it all in...

5/06 received Master's degree/got job
1/07 promoted
6/07 took over marketing at work
9/07 suffered first panic attack
11/07 started dating who I thought was "the one"
11/07 lost our sweet Audrey
3/08 broke up with the wrong one
9/08 joined a new church
11/08 got baptized
1/09 started working our with a trainer
10/09 QUIT my job with nothing on the horizon
11/09 Lost 30 pounds to date!! Joined HP Choir
12/09 Met Paul and got engaged in 20 days; cold turkey on anxiety meds
1/10 started nanny job (50+ hrs/wk)
3/10 wedding
5/10 overwhelmed undertones

Ok, so if I saw this list written by anyone else my response would be "Of course you are feeling overwhelmed--that's a lot of life in a relatively short amount of time!" But because I know that this is my timeline, I somehow feel like I should handle it all better. That it's ridiculous when tight finances, exhaustion, dishes, laundry and the tasks of life are a lot to take. But what lessons have I been missing because I haven't taken the time to be still before the Lord and process....to lay beside still waters...to hear His triumphant whisper in the chaos?!

I went to my cousin's baby dedication this morning (Henry Augustus Rener) at their church. The pastor was talking about Hebrews 10:19-25 and concluded the sermon saying, "You will be encouraged to the degree you share your heart with those around you." This was a very profound statement to me because often I feel like what is going on in my own head is too much for me to share...sometimes Satan's lies cloud our abilities to access the truth within us--the only way we uncover that truth is when other's speak it to us.

--RMN

"Just"

Sitting in bible study discussing guilt vs conviction got me thinking...

There are a lot of promises and gift the Lord gives His children that I don't claim for myself...I testify to others that guilt and condemnation are not from the Lord, that grace and mercy are OURS in abundance and that we are fully pleasing to God just as we are...

BUT...

I do not own this truth for myself. I get caught up in condemning myself for wrongs; thinking of all the shoulda, coulda, woulda's and thinking that my own sin is outside of God's grace to forgive.

This revelation came full circle at choir practice when we were praying and I repeatedly said, "Lord, I just pray...and I just ask..." Think about kids or even adults (yes even myself): we use "just" to help make our case for an exception ("I'm just going to have one bite" "I just want to play outside for a minute." "I just want one new dress for the summer.") Scripture tells me to put my requests at the foot of the cross, to go BOLDLY to the throne (Phil 4:6), that the Spirit himself testifies FOR US (Romans 8:16), and most of all that we have the POWER of the Risen Jesus living in all of us (Galatians 2:20)! So WHY am I asking the Lord for "just" anything?! I don't want my one answered prayer to be the exception; I don't want anyone's answered prayer to be the exception. I want to BOLDLY lay my request at the foot of the cross, PRAISE him for allowing me to do so and then wait expectantly for them to ALL be answered. Regardless of the request, I don't just want them answered...I want the Lord glorified.

So, I'm challenging myself to be BOLD and not "just pray" but to PRAY! It has only been a few days since I issued myself this challenge....but it's amazing the power that comes across in my prayers when I take out this small little word!!

--RMN

Day 183

Paul and I feel like the Lord broke all the "relationship" norms with our relationship. He threw timing out the window and daily shows us that He has something much bigger in store for us-individually and as a couple. While we are just approaching the 3 month mark, the Lord is definitely teaching us about our faith, His provisions, His promises and how to navigate this thing called marriage.

John and Staci Eldridge hit the nail on the head in their book "Love and War" (we attended their marriage conference based on the book but have not started the book quite yet). They assert that marriage is set in a war zone because we live in a world set against it. In addition, the Lord makes men and women so intrinsically different that "it's like taking Huck Finn and Cinderella, and locking them in a submarine together."

I have to admit that I love being Cinderella in this analogy, and actually really love that I married my Huck Finn....it's the being locked in the submarine together that keeps me clinging to the Lord for guidance, direction and support.

Enjoy the whirlwind with us...and hold on because with the Lord in charge, nothing is impossible!! Amen!!!