Content?!?!

"CONTENT"

This is a strange word...in my mind it has several connotations and colors....

• Ugly Brown Content: resolved to accept situations the way they are and live life passively with no hope.
• Baby Blue Content: satisfied for the moment (like an infant who has just eaten) but this changes with the wind.
• Iridescent Content (really hard to make something look iridescent on the computer screen): satisfied in one part of life but not this one and definitely not this one, but this over here works for me.
• Black Content (aka DIScontent): satisfied with nothing, everything is terrible, bitterness over situations--NO fun!
• Royal Purple Content: Living a life acknowledging the royal family willing to adopt each of us and appreciating where the King has life while actively dreaming and embracing all that He could do and what He puts in our hearts.

I think I stay iridescent or baby blue most of the time. Oh, how I want to be royal purple! Looking back over my life, there are times when discontentedness was a great motivator. It was the push I needed to get in shape, it moved me to my current church (which I love and where I met my husband), and when things in life feel pear-shaped, discontent can be very helpful to restore things back to normalcy. However, the problem with black content is that it tends to absorb everything around it. I have experienced boughts of depression where everyday was consumed by black discontent (*note* I am not saying that discontent was the only cause of my depression nor is it mutually exclusive. It was a symptom of depression and can lead to it. Clinical depression is not simply overcome with "being ok" with everything). I have also had periods of time where I was living in royal purple bliss. During these times, there were things I wanted but it was ok that I didn't have them.

As I have examined the various colors of content I have walked through, I started to get frustrated that I can't stay in a royal purple world. Part of me fleeing to another color has, in large part, been related to my jobs. My first job after college was one where I quickly moved up and was given increased responsibilities. Some I thoroughly enjoyed and thrived within and others I loathed with ever fiber of my being. Leaving that job led me to my one-year stint as a nanny. This was some of the sweetest and hardest work on the planet...I enjoyed the first year of sweet Baby Girl's life and the very energetic yer from age 3-4 for Big Boy. Our days were filled with educational trips to HEB, fun times at the library, playing outside, heading to the park, having picnics and a host of other activities. The challenge with this was the very deep desire to take my own kids to do all these fun things. That position ended and I felt an overwhelmingly loud whisper to accept my current position. I was excited and ready to learn new stuff....and then my royal purple faded to iridescent....and fast. I was happy with my marriage, church and friendships but work was/is a struggle. Again I found myself at the wall of frustration....why does my royal purple contentment always flee? Where was my excitement? Any job will have frustrations and aspects we don't love, and while I like to talk, I don't like being tied to a phone all day answering questions. BUT, this is where the Lord told me to work....As I've blogged before, I don't have to like his answer but I have to accept it. He is my Savior who I asked into my heart--it's all for Him. Hmmmmm.....still feels light years away from my royal purple living....

Stephen Curtis Chapman has a new song "Do Everything" that basically says "Do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you." I think this means sometimes leaving a job and sometimes it's sticking it out through a job while he cultivates other paths and adventures for me....and most often it's focusing on the here and now. Life does not make this easy. Satan's least favorite color is royal purple content. And while I have not figured out the "how" completely, I know it has to be possible....Not loving every second of every day but living more seconds than not with the Lord rather than fighting against him. I think this involves living life a day at a time (something I have also yet to master).

This I know....royal purple content is something I want....living in this color does not mean never longing for things or not wanting them to come now...what it means is living within those yearnings and not having the undercurrent of bitterness and hopelessness that ugly brown content, iridescent content and black content inherently bring. Baby blue content is not off the hook but I think of it as a spring board to royal purple. If I can put enough baby blue moments together, sooner or later I'll be royal purple. So, the plan and the intention here is sound....now to execute!

Jesus, if I failed to mention this before, the only way I can achieve royal purple content is through you....meet me here, Lord, hear my plea!

During my quiet time this morning, I noticed a note I wrote in Isaiah 58 in 2008...almost 4 years ago to the day. Sometimes it takes spunk longer to connect dots...colored dots or otherwise!

Nine Eleven....

Two numbers together will never carry the same meaning as "nine eleven". I remember talking to my mom in high school about pivotal moments in history she will never forget and wondering if there would be something so profound and lasting that I would remember each detail of the morning. Just a few weeks after I started my freshman year at UT, I had just such an experience. My pot-luck roommate and I watched the Today show every morning as we got ready for class. That morning, for some unknown reason we didn't. I walked to my Biology class that morning and things seems normal. A classmate walked in and said "Someone flew a plane into the World Trade Center." We all responded with something along the lines of "What a dummy! How did you not see the building?" We did not understand the gravity of this situation. Our professor walked in and said, "We are still going to have class. They have not cancelled class yet so let's get settled and get to work until we know more." Time stood still. We still did not know exactly what was happening but we suddenly realized that this was not someone simply not seeing a building. Class was not productive so our professor finally started sharing the bits and pieces he knew. Class ended and we flocked to common areas where we could see news footage and it was chaos. The news in Austin was reporting that this was an attack against Bush and since one of his daughters was a student at UT, there was a fear that Austin could be a target. This was all speculation, of course, as this was a very deliberate attack on the nation--not a personal attack on our president. Regardless, this was enough to scare all of us (many of whom had just embarked on this new college freedom) into a panic. It's interesting to me that so many details are etched into my mind even from the early morning before I knew anything bad happened--and I was no where near the attacks. I can't imagine being in New York or D. C. and witnessing any of this in person.

People fled to church and our country went in search of God to explain this and bring them comfort. And now, we have morphed back into a country that strives to maintain the status quo so much we don't dare mention God or Jesus for fear we might push our beliefs on anyone. Think about this: Coca Cola is not worried about offending those who choose not to drink caffeine or prefer Pepsi. Sports teams sell their clothes and logos without concern that fans of their biggest rival might get their feelings hurt. Burger King advertises their burgers without regard to stepping on the toes of vegetarians. Why? Because they are standing behind something they believe in--regardless of how you or I feel about them, they believe in it and stand behind it.

Well, I've got something I not only stand behind, I stand ON. Wanna know what it is? It's Jesus, it's my Savior, it's my Heavenly Father, the Creator of Life. My life is not void of struggle, it's not candy and rainbows everyday...but I have HOPE no matter what happens that one day, the New Heaven and New Earth will be reality and I will live in a world as God intended it to be. There will be no more tears, no more pain and no more evil!

Before I really knew what it was like to walk with Jesus, I approached God as "Dr. God" or simply a therapist. But I was missing the real, daily, in-the-trenches relationship everyone can have by accepting Christ into their hearts. As a nation, we ran into the arms of Jesus when things were hard and have run out of them just as fast. I pray that all of the tragedy around the nation and the globe points every heart back to God. And for those who don't agree with me, that's ok. Part of what makes America great is our ability to have our own opinions....everyone is afforded this right....not simply people who agree with me or with you.

180 degrees away from mourning the tragedy of the 9/11 attack....the Nixon house also celebrates life....today is Paul's birthday. I am so blessed to have this man in my life and to be known as his wife. We are looking forward and excited to see what the Lord does in our lives between now and Nine Eleven 2012!!

"I establish my covenant with you, that never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of the flood, 

and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth."

Genesis 9:11, ESV

"But when Christ appeared as a high priest of the good things that have come, then through the greater and more perfect tent (not made with hand, that is, not of this creation) he entered once and for all into the holy places, not by means of the blood of goats and calves but by means of his own blood, 

thus securing an eternal redemption."

Hebrews 9:11-12, ESV

Control-freak to Jesus-freak...

Today I finished reading Job in my One Year Bible and I was overwhelmed by the final chapters when God speaks to Job out of the storm. First, he literally spoke to him out of the storm--that is a wonderfully powerful way to communicate. Job was so desperate to hear from the Lord at this point that he likely would have heard even the tiniest whisper. But, God used this powerful form of communication to help prove his point. Second, God essentially put Job in his place but he did this by reminding him of all the things only God has and is capable of doing....

"where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me if you understand. Who marked off it's dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring a line across it?....Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb....when I said, 'This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt'?" 

excerpts from Job 38: 4-11

As I sat reading this I first started thinking back to Job's friends and their poor advice. I was mentally pointing the finger at them, scolding them and Job for trying to figure out why this occurred and what Job needed to do to fix his circumstances. It is comical how quickly I realized, that I behave like Job and each of his friends daily. Yes, me....I try to figure out why each little nuance of everyday occurs, why something I didn't plan had to happen and what I could have done to alter it. As I was pointing the finger back at Job and his friends, the Lord "spoke to me out of the storm" and reminded me that if he can tell the waves how far to go, tell the sun when to rise and fall and was in control even when Job could not see it, then my life is certainly under his watchful provision. How wonderful is that?!?! And yet, how often I need the reminder.

Taking life one day at a time has never come easy to me but I am learning that it is the only way to really walk with Jesus. Life is not in my control (much to my chagrin) so I can fight each day trying to control things or I can enjoy my days embracing what He is giving me....

Most recently, the Lord gave me a new adventure to embrace....I have signed up to be a:

This company is a Christian-based company whose "mission is a reflection of this philosophy: to celebrate, encourage and reward women by offering quality products and an outstanding opportunity to become successful business owners."

We are eager to see what the Lord is going to do through this new adventure!! Whether this is a way to simply meet new women or a way to start a new career, I are excited to see what each day with Thirty-One holds!! Regardless of this excitement and eagerness, my "always plan ahead" nature struggles with looking at the calendar and thinking "we have x, y and z happening" and "how can I do this?" But, the Lord is taking my control-freak nature into his hands which means only one thing...

...something beautiful will be created! Hopefully something a little closer to the woman of God he wants me to be!

www.mythirtyone.com/rachelnixon