Day 355: Thanksgiving 2010

Oh, Thanksgiving....a time to eat waaaaaay more than we should and enjoy every bite!! Everyone has their own customs, traditions, menu and image of how Thanksgiving should be....and then you get married and suddenly the image has to change! While most couples deal with at least one Thanksgiving together prior to being married, Paul and I are still a few days away from our first date anniversary. Thus, just before Halloween we started to discuss how this Thanksgiving would go and how we'd get to see everyone...

my mom, his mom, my dad and stepmom, his dad and stepmom...

...the only thing concluded from this conversation was that we would clearly have a lot of driving followed by a lot of turkey. While this did not seem overwhelmingly appealing, we resolved that it would be nice to see everyone and with everyone in the Dallas area, this would not be quite the crisis it first appeared. Then the phone rang...

My stepmom, Gerry, called with an interesting proposition. "Since everyone wants to see you guys, why don't we all do Thanksgiving together? One person can host and the rest of us can bring all the food. Do you think everyone would go for that? I just think that would save y'all some driving."

At first, I was not sure what to say because the better part of my life has been spent balancing both sides of my family; honestly only getting them together for major events (graduations and most recently, my wedding). I hung up the phone and Paul called his mom who said they would love to do this. Paul's dad would be visiting family in North Carolina but his stepmom would be happy to attend and bring food. Since this was Gerry's idea, clearly she and dad were on board so I called mom. She was also on board and wanted to host it at her house. I hung up the phone and just sort of stared at Paul for a moment because I wasn't sure this had really happened....all, ALL of our family will be having Thanksgiving together...oh, ok (let that sink in for a bit).

My hostess-mother started planning immediately (napkins, tablecloths, dishes, etc)--let's just say that the apple didn't fall at all. After an evite was sent and people decided on what to bring, our family-wide Thanksgiving was really under way....surreal, but under way. Don't get me wrong, I was excited but it was laced with trepidation about how this would all work.

Paul and I drove to Dallas late Tuesday night and mom and I continued cooking Wednesday. Thanksgiving morning arrived and the house smelled like it always had--Maw Maw Weezie's dressing, turkey, gravy--yumm!! Then the door bell rang, my little sister's boyfriend, then my older sister arrived...normal crew, not strange (and more food brought more yummy smells...mmm). Then Paul's stepmom arrived followed closely by my dad, stepmom and grandmother (dad's mom)....still not strange (I just kept waiting for the other shoe to fall, the awkward silence to ensue or something). Ding-dong! My half sister and her husband. Finally our group was complete when Paul's mom, sister, niece and nephew, and family friend arrived. Everyone unloaded their dishes, the turkey was beautifully brown and at 2pm Paul blessed this wonderful meal.

Following the prayer, Paul's mom got emotional remembering last Thanksgiving when Paul so desperately wanted to get married. I remember having the same feeling--if someone had told me last year that I would be a newlywed of 8 1/2 months this Thanksgiving I wouldn't have believed them (but a part of me would have been hoping). BUT, if someone had told me that I would not only be married but also have my ENTIRE family under one roof for Thanksgiving I would have laughed in their face. Looks like I'm the one to be laughed at...and what's more--everyone was themselves...

• Mom requested that the red plates remain on the red table and the green and brown plates remain on the green and brown table so that pictures would look better (again, this apple didn't fall from the tree).


• We all laughed when our technologically-challenged and resistant dad's cell phone rang at the table (with 17 people in one room, no one would have bet his would be the one to ring).


• The conversation derailed at least once, just like normal, to bizarre bodily functions.


• Paul squeezed my hand after his prayer like he always does and I just stared at his beautiful blue eyes.


• Jokes were told and memories shared.

Not only was this Thanksgiving just like so many I've had my whole life--it might just have been better. We like to say that our relationship is a "Jesus Whirlwind"--which it is! But, it has to do with so much more than us. The credit for our family enjoying Thanksgiving under one roof goes 100% to our gracious Lord and Savior--and it's exciting to see that He used our relationship and marriage to help execute part of His plan.

This is a very vivid picture of the redemptive power of Christ. We, as humans, are going to sin. Living a life free from sin takes work and daily connection to the Father--and even then, we are going to sin. BUT, when we seek Him out and are humble enough to admit that we can't do this alone, a wonderful thing starts to happen.....redemption of all our sinful decisions, desires and deeds. Not that there aren't consequences to our actions--both of our families have gone through intense pain, hurt feelings, hurtful words and hard times due to divorce. Anyone who says you can come out of divorce unchanged has never experienced it. BUT, when we invite Christ into the situation, He can take all the pain, hurt feelings, hurtful words and hard times and give them purpose. They are still there, the words may still hurt when we remember them, lost dreams may still break our hearts but through CHRIST all can be brought together as a testimony to His power and grace.

Thanksgiving 2010 was a testimony to His power and grace....and it gives me such indescribable hope for the future, for when I have children of my own. It was healing for me to have all my family enjoying--really enjoying--Thanksgiving together. And it will be a wonderful display to my children of the love they can experience with Jesus.

What was I thankful for this Thanksgiving? Jesus and the crazy wonderful family he gave me--be it from birth, marriage or along the way.

--RMN

PMS...oy!

eHealthMD says that the most common PMS symptoms are: fatigue, tension and irritability, difficulty concentrating, anger, depression, food cravings, bloating and/or headaches. They go on to say that not only are these symptoms different among women, they can also be different in the same woman from month to month. Oy!

While this laundry list of symptoms didn't really surprise me, it's also not comforting. I have spent the last week feeling as though I was losing my mind, ready to kill anyone who looks at me and essentially biting off my husbands head for no reason at all. After questioning numerous times "What is wrong with me?!?", flipping from tears to intense anger like you flip a light switch, and deciding that the only thing appetizing for dinner was Cici's pizza, I reluctantly admitted that these irrational feelings, emotional tirades and stereotypical responses aren't just something used as entertainment on sitcoms...they are real and I now experience them.

I was not happy about having to admit this but this was a far superior response to "I'm losing my mind, I'm crazy and this insanity is my new reality." First, I promised a dear friend that I would stop saying that I was crazy and truth be told, I'm not--it's not even close to the truth. The TRUTH, friends, is that as comical as it is when we watch "PMS gone wild" on sitcoms, it's how God made us women....no, I don't think he was sitting in the garden contemplating a suitable mate for Adam and thinking "I'll make her from his rib and to make things really interesting I'll make her hormones be so unbelievably unpredictable that every month things will be crazy for about a week." No, not in the least! But, I do think he created us with the proper biology to carry children so that together, Adam and Eve, could procreate (and let's be honest, whether you want children or not, our cycle each month is preparing our body for a baby; when there isn't one most months, we have our cycle). While both men and women are made of hormones and the levels of each individual hormone make us who we are, women's hormones follow the same pattern each month for a very specific and, in my opinion, divine purpose.

I also know my very intense week of PMS has more than just biological implications. In the midst of crying one morning this week, after snapping at Paul multiple times and being very impatient with other drivers, I called my cousin sobbing, having no earthly idea why I was crying. She validated my feelings and told me multiple times that I was not crazy or abnormal--though she understood why I was feeling that way. And then she said something that changed everything...."I'll be praying for you." Be it the fatigue, the irritability or the host of other symptoms, I had felt for days as if someone had been pulling on me trying to keep me from moving. With her simple yet profound words, it's like that person just let go. I was still crying for some inexplicable reason, I still wasn't in a great mood and I still desperately wanted a nap....but no one was pulling on my anymore!!

Like a flood it became clear to me....Satan is not that creative and he certainly doesn't have any new tricks. He is using the same MO he used in the garden with Eve--twisting something from the Lord to make us question His love for us. It might sound like I am reaching, but stick with me....Satan never told Eve that the Lord did not say not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. He simply asked her "Did God really say that?" And while there was no snake in my car talking to me (thank you, Jesus), Satan was definitely the one pulling on me. He took advantage of the hormonal process that was divinely created and twisted it. I was thinking that I was crazy, that my husband was going to regret marrying me since I had screamed at him so many times, that I wasn't capable of functioning without anti-depressants (not that I have a problem with taking medicine if it's necessary) and telling myself all sorts of other lies. These lies left me in a place where I could not pray for myself because my thoughts were too clouded--clouded by a NORMAL, hormonal process. BUT, as soon as I reached for someone else who could pray for me, Satan let go. He knew he wouldn't and couldn't win so he ran away to wait for the next opportunity to pounce.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not running around skipping, waiting expectantly for my next week of PMS. But, I do feel like I have been armed with new weapons. I can't expect that hormones aren't going to make me snap at my husband again or yell at other drivers or become disproportionately upset at a small annoyance. I can, however, expect that when I am in a cloudy place where I can't pray for myself (due to PMS or otherwise--because we all get there sometimes), Satan gets scared when I reach out to others. Suddenly I remember a song from VBS way back in the day....

I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart! Where?! Down in my heart, to stay...
And if the devil doesn't like it, he can sit on a tack! Ouch?! Sit on a tack, to stay!

Because I love Jesus, the joy is there....even when it feels really really really DOWN in my heart....and I've got a fresh supply of tacks ready!

Ode to Normalcy

We just moved....and I thought I was the only person on earth who liked taking things directly from the moving truck and unpacking immediately. NOPE! Turns out I married someone who does the same thing. So for a week now we have both been tirelessly emptying boxes, rearranging furniture, sorting, reorganizing and searching for what must be a very full box of all the random things we can't seem to find. Before we moved, I had settled into this routine of grocery shopping and cooking for the week on one night so that meals were ready to go. For the past three weeks, we reverted to Paul's bachelor menu of sandwiches, TV dinners, and eating out.

Yesterday morning, I hit snooze and didn't hear my alarm go off again. I woke up about 20 minutes before I needed to leave. I started to get angry that I had overslept...again. My frustration started to grow as I thought "I don't have time to shower, I'll feel blah all day, why can't I get out of bed on time, what is wrong with me?!" And then I was overcome with "Maybe I just needed that extra sleep. The Lord decided I needed an extra few minutes." I got up and quickly showered, tossed my mousse in my hair and scrunched it on the way out the door. The eternally long light that I have so perfectly timed outside our complex did not change at it's scheduled 7:25am...though by the grace of God I made it to the light at that time. Instead, it changed at 7:27am. (This might appear to be only 2 minutes but there are 2 very pivotal minutes. Without them, I most assuredly will not get to work on time.) Traffic flowed with amazing speed (let me assure you that most people do NOT have anywhere important to be in the morning) and I surprisingly pulled up to work just as the clock said 7:45am. "Lord, thank you for changing my mood and getting me out of bed and to work on time. The only explanation is YOU!!"

Last night I went to HEB and stocked my basket full to make all the meals I had planned. Excited, I got home and unloaded groceries and started to cook.
Boil chicken for chicken salad...check.
Brown meat for sloppy joe's...check.
Cut veggies and prep meat for pot roast...check.
Put roast in crock pot...check.
While meat browns and chicken boils, hang pictures in guest room...check.
Hang mirror and frame in master bathroom...check.
Unpack last kitchen box...check.
Pack lunch for Paul and me...check.
Clean the dishes...check.
Stand in living room and marvel at productivity...check, check.
Stand in living room and think how exhausted I am from said productivity....CHECK!

I donned my jammies and made my way around the apartment when I was filled with a wonderful peace. There are still boxes in my dining room, an extra couch we're trying to sell, pictures that need hanging, garage sale items stacked to the ceiling in the guestroom and due to an error fixing a plug in our master bedroom we have no lights in our closet or bathroom. BUT, I was back to my normal routine and that gave me so much peace and just made this apartment feel like home. "Thank you Lord for giving me my NORMAL back. YOU started this day and you have ended it like only you can!"

It's seemingly small, but it's such a wonderfully large gift from the Lord. My normal is crazy to a lot of people and I would go crazy if I lived in anyone else's normal. But that is the beauty of our Lord...he made us so he knows what we each need to return to our normal. On top of this, HE is the only one with the tools to get us there. And even in something as small as changing our attitudes about waking up late, He is always present to remind us that He is in charge of our normal.