If you have not read “Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti” (Bill and Pam Farell) you need to read it NOW. The basic premise is that men look at life as compartments (i.e. the boxes in waffles) and women see everything as connected (i.e. a plate of spaghetti). Both in this book and in “The Marriage Code” by the same authors, our God-given and God-designed differences are explained and embraced.
Ok, so I am a nanny and thus have two very cute kiddos five days a week. The other day, Paul needed to have his car looked at and called me to see if I would be able to follow him to drop off his car and then take him back home so he didn’t have to wait there for hours. Instantly my brain pulled up the schedule for the next day. Paul was simply wanting his wife to say “Sure, honey. I’d be happy to do that.” But what came out of my mouth went something like this:
“Ok, well I have to leave our house at 7:25 to get to work on time. So we will need to drop off your car by 7:00 or 7:10 so I can get you back home and not be late. How long is it going to take them to do the work because we are meeting mommy for lunch and the kids have to be down for a nap by 1:00? So that eliminates us being able to take you back up there from about 11:30 until after nap time. So we can make this work but with the kiddos we have to have some sort of a plan.” I think my response was unexpected because he was quiet for a moment and then said, “I’ll just wait there while they work.” I felt like I had taken away his candy or something. And in my heart, I wanted to help him but there were certain confines in my ability to help. When we both got home, I gave him a big hug and apologized if I sounded unwilling to help but it was really hard to not know how long things were going to take when I was in charge of someone else’s babies. His response was “I know. Thank you for telling me that. I guess I was thinking out loud when I asked you that and didn’t realize how complicated it would be.”
The first thing that went through my brain was “HOW could you not have realized this?!” Now, if we lived in a sitcom, this would have become fodder for the remaining 18 minutes of the show. Every comment out of my mouth would have been laced with disdain over Paul not thinking about a situation the way I do. If we lived in a sitcom, this would be great entertainment. BUT, we don't live in a sitcom--we live in a fallen world and this is exactly the kind of seemingly trivial thing Satan uses to separate marriages. Paul was not trying to be unrealistic about my abilities and I was not trying to be unhelpful. He was using his wonderfully made waffle brain to figure out how he could get his car worked on without having to be there all day. And I was using my wonderfully made spaghetti brain to figure out how I could make all the pieces work together. Satan was sitting back hoping that our differences in processing would either start something between us or be stuffed away waiting to erupt like a volcano. Neither of us was wrong—we were just using what the Lord gave us.
In the end, Paul ended up waiting on the car and the kiddos and I went along our day as planned. But there is a bigger lesson here—we were using what the Lord gave us. So, if this is what our Almighty creator gave us and he created marriage, doesn't this mean that there is a chance that our spaghetti and waffles should be able to share a plate? We are taught by the world that there is no way for spaghetti and waffles to function together--we look helplessly on as Hollywood marriages are played out in the tabloids. The once inseparable couple is now throwing insults at one another in court battle after court battle. Paul and I often get the question, "How long have you been married?" When we respond, "almost 6 months" we frequently get an almost sympathetic head tilt and sly smirk as if to say, "you'll be ready to throw the towel in after the new wears off." It is one of the most frustrating things in the world. Not because I am naive enough to think that we will never want to throw the towel in or that we are immune from having marital troubles. No, it is frustrating because it attempts to pull the rug out from under the God who brought us together, the God who created marriage, my God who is sovereign over every detail of this world.
I often need Paul to pull out pieces of spaghetti and put each one in a different waffle square when life gets to be too much (he has an amazing ability to do this, by the way). And Paul often needs me to spaghetti-things-up and mix up his waffle squares. It's not like the world says, spaghetti and waffles don't just fit on the same plate, they were made to go together!!
I'm hungry...anyone up for spaghetti....and waffles?!?!
--RMN
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