Really. Like no good at resting at all.
We have all the time in the world to color or do a puzzle and I find myself folding towels between coloring assignments.
Or I realize that while we are watching a movie together I am really doing something on my computer since everyone is in a TV trance. So it's not really rest as much as it is filling my time with different things than I did before.
Just before all the social distancing and quarantine realities came to be, Paul and I escaped away to Fredricksburg to celebrate our 10th anniversary. We stayed at an adorable B&B nestled just enough off the beaten path to feel remote, yet close enough to town for a late night popcorn run to go with our DVD.
We survived, ahem....got to enjoy Enchanted Rock (more on that adventure coming in another post). We enjoyed breakfast on the porch watching birds at the bird feeders while we sipped on tea and coffee. We took a walk down a country road and saw longhorns grazing, cardinals flitting about, and picturesque Texas fields sprinkled with the first bluebonnets of the season and other wildflowers. It truly was a weekend of REST for which we will always be grateful. And it was also a weekend of unknowns as the information was changing by the hour.
There were times in my rest I was wracked with guilt that my mind was racing or consumed with processing the new information. I looked up the definition of rest and it provided some wonderful food for thought...
rest (verb)
1. cease work or movement in order to relax, refresh oneself, or recover strength
2. be placed or supported so as to stay in a specified position
3. be based on or grounded in; depend on
Most words have multiple meanings and while sometimes more than one can be true simultaneously, not all have to be true simultaneously. As I read over these, the first one is how I would have defined rest if asked. An image of a weekend away in the country, nightly bubble baths and chick flicks, sleeping in, and enjoying a leisurely breakfast before taking a long walk. But the second and third ones really resonated with me; rest can't only be reserved for weekends away, right?!
It was in combining the second and third definition that I was really struck. Be placed or supported so as to stay in a specified position and be based on or grounded in; depend on. I believe God is sovereign over this world and that includes my life. I have walked roads and situations I would never have chosen were it up to me. Sometimes I pray for God to change a situation or circumstance and He almost always seems to do this on a different timetable than I would prefer. But He has always been faithful to remain with me in my asking.
The seasons when I have be digging into the word faithfully have not yielded shorter struggles, but being grounded in the word and depending on God more fully has given me a different vantage point in the struggle. Even in my deep desire to have a situation change, I can more easily appreciate how much God has placed me and is actively supporting me in the specified position He has ordained.
This is a whole new way for me to view rest. Don't get me wrong, I want the B&B getaway with the bubble baths and movies! And I also don't want to put off rest for those infrequent getaways. And I don't want my kids to think rest can't happen if they are around; I want them to know how to build it into their lives as well. I want them to realize that rest can be a wonderfully relaxing getaway and a way to live everyday.
So how does that really look? I mean, I have been in my bible more since this season of social distancing began. And I also feel like, while a lot of work has ceased, a whole new hustle and bustle has been ushered into our lives. What does rest look like when there is uncertainty at every turn?
God answered this one morning just outside my window.....
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| The very image of blooming rest!! |
This particular morning, it had rained big ol' fat pouring rain overnight and into the wee morning hours. We often view rain as a negative thing but in a situation where no one else is watering it, this rose no doubt appreciated the life-giving nourishment the rain brought. But then, did you see it??!! Did you see how surrendered that rose is?!! Look again, if you look closely it's there in all its overwhelming beauty. After pouring rain, thunder, lightening, and wind this rose sat still in the calm acceptance that this storm was ultimately for its own good. It sat completely surrendered in the rest of raindrops. So surrendered that the rain rested on the bloom without moving.
The very next day, the view out my window looked a bit different.
In just 24 hours, that rose had used each and every raindrop to help it bloom into this stunning flower. And then my eye noticed the closed blossom. The day before, it had perfectly balanced raindrops, too. And yet today it remained unchanged. But maybe this wasn't the storm it needed to bloom. It didn't wither and die because another rose bloomed first. Those nourishing raindrops fed it, too, just in less obvious but still necessary ways. The large, blossomed rose isn't putting the small bud in its shadow out of pride or anxiously wondering if it bloomed too soon. Instead it is standing next to it in support knowing it will bloom, too.
Often, I'm the first rose. Covered in raindrops from a storm. But rather than sitting in surrender; resting in God's provision, I'm shaking off the water trying to speed up the blooming or pretend I wasn't impacted by the storm. Or perhaps I'm stomping my feet repeatedly asking what the purpose of that storm was?!
While I may not be very good at rest, I'm trying to be better. I'm trying to be the rose that isn't concerned with others (either those who are further along or behind me). I'm trying to embrace the rain and its purpose. I'm trying to carve out time for things that fill my cup and bring the peace. More than anything I'm trying to focus on and trust where God has placed me and that he is actively supporting me in this specified position.
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