I'm not one who usually makes New Year's Resolutions. But, for the last several years, I have enjoyed choosing a word on which to focus throughout the year. My word for 2019 was embrace. I had such hope for this word as the year began and somewhere along the way it kind of got lost in the mix. When I found it again, I felt like I had failed at embracing anything that year.
2019 was hard. I've shared in previous posts how we welcomed our fourth baby girl in December 2018 and postpartum depression came along for the ride. Our marriage was tested more than ever before. Friendships changed. Misapplied Truth was muddled with actual, scriptural Truth (this is beyond confusing). Beliefs were challenged. Counseling was hard. Utilizing new tools was harder. Unadulterated Truth was revealed (amen!!). Ultimately, by God's grace and provision, the year ended more triumphantly than we could have ever anticipated (with plenty of work still being done). Did I embrace the journey? Hmmm...by definition, embrace means "an act of accepting or supporting something willingly or enthusiastically." I'd have to say no, I definitely did not embrace our 2019 journey. But I didn't give up; we persevered. We dug in, worked hard, worked together, and learned things about God we wouldn't have learned otherwise. Embraced? Nope. Overcome? Absolutely!
This battle with postpartum depression was ushered in with the birth of our sweet Nora June. When we settled on June being Nora's middle name, it sounded right and I knew it was her name but I couldn't figure out why. All our other girls have a family or sentimental element to their names but not this one. It wasn't until after her arrival, in the midst of our some of our hardest months, that God showed me why it was her name. Nora means honor, light. June can mean young as well as protector of women and marriage. Did you catch that (because I needed God to repeat it for me)!? Protector of woman and marriage. Whether I enthusiastically embraced the journey or not, the journey was meant to protect not destroy; to bring honor and light.
That was 2019. This is 2020 (anyone else hear Barbara Walters?!). Lord, what focus do you have for me this year? Initially, I kept landing on the word rest. If I am being completely honest, I was both excited about this and annoyed all the same. "Rest?! Really?! I've tried to get a restful bubble bath and the bathroom becomes Grand Central Station every. single. time. Really, Lord?! And also, please show me because mama is tired." Rest. hmmm.
As I sat with this, I kept hearing bloom?
Blooming?
Blooming Rest.
Blooming Rest?
This sounded impossible.
Until I realized that flowers bloom from a place of rest.
No striving.
No running.
Buried, actually.
And having to be completely undone in order to bloom.
There are things I feel God is asking me to develop, cultivate, and grow this year. And in order to do so, I need to rest in Him; His word (rather than perpetually moving it to tomorrow). Blooming Rest, much like Nora's name, now makes complete sense to me.
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