Mother's Day Reflections

Wow!! I was shocked to see that I have not posted anything since January?!? Not sure how that happened except that time has been flying by and the fact that we are 28 days from our due date is absolutely insane!! I am so ready to meet my sweet Lucy Kate and hold her in my arms! This Sunday is Mother's Day and it got me thinking back to Mother's Day of last year. I sent a text to a few close friends of mine wishing them a Happy Mother's Day and received some very sweet responses back. Two in particular touched my heart because they wished me a Happy Mother-to-be Day, knowing that my heart was aching for a child of my own. Each of these friends, encouraging me in their own ways, told me that they were praying for the children God had for us! These messages were sweet, encouraging and brought tears to my eyes because I had no idea when God was going to make me a real mom...

You know the story from there.....emotional roller coaster and the shock of a lifetime at a positive pregnancy test. And now, a month away from our due date and it's come again: Mother's Day. Except this time, I'm a mom?! Lord, how did that happen so fast? Last year it felt like an eternity away and this year it feels like I blinked and it happened?! I have often heard in bible lessons that God's days are not our days and his timing is not our timing (ummm...understatement of the year). God doesn't ever tell us that we will have a, b or c at a specific time and while he created the heavens and the earth in seven days, this was likely not seven 24-hour periods of time. I know God's timetable is all his own, yet I am still surprised, shocked and blown-away when I see HIS plan come to fruition.

Days after getting a positive pregnancy test, still waiting on confirmation from the doctor's office so we could celebrate or grieve, I had a heart-to-heart with the Lord. I was crying and so scared that this was a trick from Satan to get our hopes up only to have it ripped away. Sitting there, drowning in my fear, my heavenly Father told me something so profound I find myself still processing pieces of it. He told me that even if we didn't get to meet this baby this side of Heaven, we were parents. He had answered our prayers and we were parents. Then came the even more profound statement from God, "Rachel, this baby is really mine. No matter how long you get this baby, if you ever get to meet this baby or not, this is a loan from me to you." This message certainly didn't turn off the tears but it did change their origin. I was still scared that the doctor might call and say we weren't pregnant after all, but my tears weren't coming from fear anymore. Instead, they were coming from a realization that God had answered our prayers even if the outcome wasn't what I had anticipated.

I have returned to this heart-to-heart often since October. A few times when something didn't feel right or I had a new symptom that scared me, the fear of her not being okay has crept back into my mind. And no matter what, I hear His message echoing "You are parents because I made you parents. Let me take care of all my children--you, Paul and this baby."

This year, for Mother's Day, I can't hold my daughter in my arms but I am holding her! Because of this gift from the Lord, I'm a real mommy!! And this mommy is praying that even after she is in my arms, I remember the words from my God "Rachel, this baby is really mine. No matter how long you get this baby, if you ever get to meet this baby or not, this is a loan from me to you."  I started reading Hopeful Parenting by David Jeremiah and he puts it this way:

"Our children are not our possessions; they belong to God. We are merely stewards of their tender souls for a short time--basically, for twenty years. We are wise to give them back to God when he gives them to us. Then we will be able to enjoy them as ours in a way that's otherwise impossible."

I wish all moms out there a very happy Mother's Day! Those who have experienced holding their babies in their arms; those who have seen them off to college; those who have watched them get married and experienced the joy of watching their babies become parents; those who will meet their babies for the first time in Heaven; those who got the privilege of meeting and know their babies and will be reunited with them in Heaven; those whose children are on this earth but haven't gotten to their home yet...Happy Mother's Day! Praying it's a day of celebration and praise, filled with shouts of JOY!!

36 weeks and counting!!