"CONTENT"
This is a strange word...in my mind it has several connotations and colors....
- Ugly Brown Content: resolved to accept situations the way they are and live life passively with no hope.
- Baby Blue Content: satisfied for the moment (like an infant who has just eaten) but this changes with the wind.
- Iridescent Content (really hard to make something look iridescent on the computer screen): satisfied in one part of life but not this one and definitely not this one, but this over here works for me.
- Black Content (aka DIScontent): satisfied with nothing, everything is terrible, bitterness over situations--NO fun!
- Royal Purple Content: Living a life acknowledging the royal family willing to adopt each of us and appreciating where the King has life while actively dreaming and embracing all that He could do and what He puts in our hearts.
I think I stay iridescent or baby blue most of the time. Oh, how I want to be royal purple! Looking back over my life, there are times when discontentedness was a great motivator. It was the push I needed to get in shape, it moved me to my current church (which I love and where I met my husband), and when things in life feel pear-shaped, discontent can be very helpful to restore things back to normalcy. However, the problem with black content is that it tends to absorb everything around it. I have experienced boughts of depression where everyday was consumed by black discontent (*note* I am not saying that discontent was the only cause of my depression nor is it mutually exclusive. It was a symptom of depression and can lead to it. Clinical depression is not simply overcome with "being ok" with everything). I have also had periods of time where I was living in royal purple bliss. During these times, there were things I wanted but it was ok that I didn't have them.
As I have examined the various colors of content I have walked through, I started to get frustrated that I can't stay in a royal purple world. Part of me fleeing to another color has, in large part, been related to my jobs. My first job after college was one where I quickly moved up and was given increased responsibilities. Some I thoroughly enjoyed and thrived within and others I loathed with ever fiber of my being. Leaving that job led me to my one-year stint as a nanny. This was some of the sweetest and hardest work on the planet...I enjoyed the first year of sweet Baby Girl's life and the very energetic yer from age 3-4 for Big Boy. Our days were filled with educational trips to HEB, fun times at the library, playing outside, heading to the park, having picnics and a host of other activities. The challenge with this was the very deep desire to take my own kids to do all these fun things. That position ended and I felt an overwhelmingly loud whisper to accept my current position. I was excited and ready to learn new stuff....and then my royal purple faded to iridescent....and fast. I was happy with my marriage, church and friendships but work was/is a struggle. Again I found myself at the wall of frustration....why does my royal purple contentment always flee? Where was my excitement? Any job will have frustrations and aspects we don't love, and while I like to talk, I don't like being tied to a phone all day answering questions. BUT, this is where the Lord told me to work....As I've blogged before, I don't have to like his answer but I have to accept it. He is my Savior who I asked into my heart--it's all for Him. Hmmmmm.....still feels light years away from my royal purple living....
Stephen Curtis Chapman has a new song "Do Everything" that basically says "Do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you." I think this means sometimes leaving a job and sometimes it's sticking it out through a job while he cultivates other paths and adventures for me....and most often it's focusing on the here and now. Life does not make this easy. Satan's least favorite color is royal purple content. And while I have not figured out the "how" completely, I know it has to be possible....Not loving every second of every day but living more seconds than not with the Lord rather than fighting against him. I think this involves living life a day at a time (something I have also yet to master).
This I know....royal purple content is something I want....living in this color does not mean never longing for things or not wanting them to come now...what it means is living within those yearnings and not having the undercurrent of bitterness and hopelessness that ugly brown content, iridescent content and black content inherently bring. Baby blue content is not off the hook but I think of it as a spring board to royal purple. If I can put enough baby blue moments together, sooner or later I'll be royal purple. So, the plan and the intention here is sound....now to execute!
Jesus, if I failed to mention this before, the only way I can achieve royal purple content is through you....meet me here, Lord, hear my plea!
During my quiet time this morning, I noticed a note I wrote in Isaiah 58 in 2008...almost 4 years ago to the day. Sometimes it takes spunk longer to connect dots...colored dots or otherwise!
As I have examined the various colors of content I have walked through, I started to get frustrated that I can't stay in a royal purple world. Part of me fleeing to another color has, in large part, been related to my jobs. My first job after college was one where I quickly moved up and was given increased responsibilities. Some I thoroughly enjoyed and thrived within and others I loathed with ever fiber of my being. Leaving that job led me to my one-year stint as a nanny. This was some of the sweetest and hardest work on the planet...I enjoyed the first year of sweet Baby Girl's life and the very energetic yer from age 3-4 for Big Boy. Our days were filled with educational trips to HEB, fun times at the library, playing outside, heading to the park, having picnics and a host of other activities. The challenge with this was the very deep desire to take my own kids to do all these fun things. That position ended and I felt an overwhelmingly loud whisper to accept my current position. I was excited and ready to learn new stuff....and then my royal purple faded to iridescent....and fast. I was happy with my marriage, church and friendships but work was/is a struggle. Again I found myself at the wall of frustration....why does my royal purple contentment always flee? Where was my excitement? Any job will have frustrations and aspects we don't love, and while I like to talk, I don't like being tied to a phone all day answering questions. BUT, this is where the Lord told me to work....As I've blogged before, I don't have to like his answer but I have to accept it. He is my Savior who I asked into my heart--it's all for Him. Hmmmmm.....still feels light years away from my royal purple living....
Stephen Curtis Chapman has a new song "Do Everything" that basically says "Do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you." I think this means sometimes leaving a job and sometimes it's sticking it out through a job while he cultivates other paths and adventures for me....and most often it's focusing on the here and now. Life does not make this easy. Satan's least favorite color is royal purple content. And while I have not figured out the "how" completely, I know it has to be possible....Not loving every second of every day but living more seconds than not with the Lord rather than fighting against him. I think this involves living life a day at a time (something I have also yet to master).
This I know....royal purple content is something I want....living in this color does not mean never longing for things or not wanting them to come now...what it means is living within those yearnings and not having the undercurrent of bitterness and hopelessness that ugly brown content, iridescent content and black content inherently bring. Baby blue content is not off the hook but I think of it as a spring board to royal purple. If I can put enough baby blue moments together, sooner or later I'll be royal purple. So, the plan and the intention here is sound....now to execute!
Jesus, if I failed to mention this before, the only way I can achieve royal purple content is through you....meet me here, Lord, hear my plea!
During my quiet time this morning, I noticed a note I wrote in Isaiah 58 in 2008...almost 4 years ago to the day. Sometimes it takes spunk longer to connect dots...colored dots or otherwise!
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