PMS...oy!

eHealthMD says that the most common PMS symptoms are: fatigue, tension and irritability, difficulty concentrating, anger, depression, food cravings, bloating and/or headaches. They go on to say that not only are these symptoms different among women, they can also be different in the same woman from month to month. Oy!

While this laundry list of symptoms didn't really surprise me, it's also not comforting. I have spent the last week feeling as though I was losing my mind, ready to kill anyone who looks at me and essentially biting off my husbands head for no reason at all. After questioning numerous times "What is wrong with me?!?", flipping from tears to intense anger like you flip a light switch, and deciding that the only thing appetizing for dinner was Cici's pizza, I reluctantly admitted that these irrational feelings, emotional tirades and stereotypical responses aren't just something used as entertainment on sitcoms...they are real and I now experience them.

I was not happy about having to admit this but this was a far superior response to "I'm losing my mind, I'm crazy and this insanity is my new reality." First, I promised a dear friend that I would stop saying that I was crazy and truth be told, I'm not--it's not even close to the truth. The TRUTH, friends, is that as comical as it is when we watch "PMS gone wild" on sitcoms, it's how God made us women....no, I don't think he was sitting in the garden contemplating a suitable mate for Adam and thinking "I'll make her from his rib and to make things really interesting I'll make her hormones be so unbelievably unpredictable that every month things will be crazy for about a week." No, not in the least! But, I do think he created us with the proper biology to carry children so that together, Adam and Eve, could procreate (and let's be honest, whether you want children or not, our cycle each month is preparing our body for a baby; when there isn't one most months, we have our cycle). While both men and women are made of hormones and the levels of each individual hormone make us who we are, women's hormones follow the same pattern each month for a very specific and, in my opinion, divine purpose.

I also know my very intense week of PMS has more than just biological implications. In the midst of crying one morning this week, after snapping at Paul multiple times and being very impatient with other drivers, I called my cousin sobbing, having no earthly idea why I was crying. She validated my feelings and told me multiple times that I was not crazy or abnormal--though she understood why I was feeling that way. And then she said something that changed everything...."I'll be praying for you." Be it the fatigue, the irritability or the host of other symptoms, I had felt for days as if someone had been pulling on me trying to keep me from moving. With her simple yet profound words, it's like that person just let go. I was still crying for some inexplicable reason, I still wasn't in a great mood and I still desperately wanted a nap....but no one was pulling on my anymore!!

Like a flood it became clear to me....Satan is not that creative and he certainly doesn't have any new tricks. He is using the same MO he used in the garden with Eve--twisting something from the Lord to make us question His love for us. It might sound like I am reaching, but stick with me....Satan never told Eve that the Lord did not say not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. He simply asked her "Did God really say that?" And while there was no snake in my car talking to me (thank you, Jesus), Satan was definitely the one pulling on me. He took advantage of the hormonal process that was divinely created and twisted it. I was thinking that I was crazy, that my husband was going to regret marrying me since I had screamed at him so many times, that I wasn't capable of functioning without anti-depressants (not that I have a problem with taking medicine if it's necessary) and telling myself all sorts of other lies. These lies left me in a place where I could not pray for myself because my thoughts were too clouded--clouded by a NORMAL, hormonal process. BUT, as soon as I reached for someone else who could pray for me, Satan let go. He knew he wouldn't and couldn't win so he ran away to wait for the next opportunity to pounce.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not running around skipping, waiting expectantly for my next week of PMS. But, I do feel like I have been armed with new weapons. I can't expect that hormones aren't going to make me snap at my husband again or yell at other drivers or become disproportionately upset at a small annoyance. I can, however, expect that when I am in a cloudy place where I can't pray for myself (due to PMS or otherwise--because we all get there sometimes), Satan gets scared when I reach out to others. Suddenly I remember a song from VBS way back in the day....

I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart! Where?! Down in my heart, to stay...
And if the devil doesn't like it, he can sit on a tack! Ouch?! Sit on a tack, to stay!

Because I love Jesus, the joy is there....even when it feels really really really DOWN in my heart....and I've got a fresh supply of tacks ready!